We’ve all been on that date where you hold in a you-know-it’s-going-to-be-devastating fart throughout. As much as you enjoy his company, you’ve gotta await his blessed departure ’cause only then would you allow yourself that sweet, smelly release.
I mean, why would you do anything to acknowledge to the cute guy you’ve just started dating that you are, indeed, the proud owner of a butthole? Amirite?
But guess what? According to Elite, turns out that in the long term, farting is actually quite central to a successful relationship.
I won’t dwell on how farts are absolutely f*cking hilarious in general. Even though, let’s face it, they are.
But in all honesty, farting for the first time in front of your partner is a special thing. It really is up there with your first kiss and your first ‘I love you’s.
‘Cause there isn’t a lot that says ‘you’re the one’ like leaning to the side, make your concentration-face and let it rip in front of him. And you know what says ‘you’re my soulmate’? Laughing at it together, immediately afterwards.
Here’s exactly how those little bursts of smelly air from your butt make your relationship stronger, one stink at a time.
1. Farts are a sign of ultimate comfort.
If you’re comfortable enough to toot in front of your partner, there isn’t much you can’t do in front of them, really. You want a person in your life who you can fight with, cry in front of, bitch pettily about your boss to and be your very lame self in general with. And the intimacy of all those things pale in comparison to the comfort of farting in front of your beloved.
2. They express playfulness.
And what is a relationship without playfulness? As I mentioned before, farts are an endless bank of joy and laughter waiting in your respective behinds. And imagine sharing that pure joy with the one you love. Go on, make fun of how loud or stinky your toots are. Dutch-oven each other, yo. It’s really only going to make your bond stronger.
3. Farts = inside jokes.
This is as inside as inside jokes get and boy is it special to share ’em with someone. ‘Cause who else would you laugh with about that time you farted mid-orgasm?! Believe me, if you haven’t farted in front of your person, you’re missing out on amazing layers of intimacy that those vile ass fumes add to your love.
4. They show you’ve got nothing to hide.
Without complete transparency, there can be no relationship. What better way to demonstrate complete and utter transparency than to loudly and proudly proclaim to your partner how very human you are! Trust me. Showing your true colours through that invisible ass gas is the ultimate expression of trust.
5. It’s the absolute most beautiful thing to see your partner exactly as they are and still love them more than you thought possible.
Giving your partner a stinky, sweaty hug after a workout or making out in the morning before either of you have brushed your teeth and have super disgusting breath – all of it is amazing and all of it is sexy AF. Because what’s more beautiful than embracing everything – even the disgusting – that makes them human, everything that makes them who they are!
Farts are pretty much the top of that list. Adoring them and their farts. Knowing exactly their different farts. Knowing that sometimes they’ll warn you if it’s a stinker and try to save you from the brain-cell-killer and sometimes they’ll pin you down, sit on your face and release that dank cloud straight up your nose just for the fun of it. All of it makes your relationship the most special thing in the world.
Moral of the story: Why be with a partner when you can have a fart-ner! Happy relationshipping, you stinky peeps. *wink*